Trash outside the house

When pants are optional. Here's a thought that never crosses my mind. Ok, maybe on days when I've popped some valium and chased it with a dirty martini. On all other sober days, I will leave my house fully clothed. But not everyone feels the same way. I love these people, no seriously I do! I love their commitment to walk out of their house and say 'Hey, it's a look!'

This Sally looks like an overgrown baby sporting a denim diaper.

Deb thought Walmart had a pool. She's always ready for a dip.

A working gal has to pick up her produce after her 'shift'.

Bertie likes to do her butt clenches when she's waiting in line!

It's a look! Albeit a trashbag. I predict Lady Gaga will steal it.

What's trashier than no pants? I'll tell you...when people are wearing pants but you can see what's underneath. This happens ALL THE FREAKING TIME! Ill fitting bottoms can, and often do, reveal more than anyone wants to see.

Stan is wearing, what appears to be, a leopard thong while reaching for the rocky road!

Peek-a-boo! She is sure to frighten little children. Just think, a small child has the sightline of an adult's behind!

Just because it fits, does NOT mean it looks good! I see this kind of trash everywhere. Unless your Britney Spears, please don't wear hip huggers. You're exposing your muffin tops to the free world and we don't want any! On the other hand, it could be used as a motivational tool to get to the gym....

I can't decide which is trashier? No pants or back ass. Survey says?

Unless you make your coin by taking it off, please keep your pants/shirts/knickers/shawl, whatever, ON! There's a reason we need clothes. 1% of us actually look good without clothing. And anyone who tells you otherwise, probably should put their clothes back on as well. Cover thyself, trash bag!

Trash at the roots!

Yesterday I was at a hole in the wall bar, don't judge. It was mid afternoon on a Sunday and this blonde walks into the bar. A suburban bar, mind you. This 'blonde' had long, fried and stringy yellow/white color hair. Her brown roots called even more attention than her yellow/white hair. She saddled up to the bar, ordered a Miller Lite and a shot, of what I don't know. Chugged them both and left as quickly as she came. She had no idea I was starring at her trying to gage her age. Faux blondes can appear to be way older than they really are!! She allowed most of her hair to cover her face, and for good reason. This faux blonde was well into her forties, dressing as if it were still 1984. She looked like she stepped out of a White Snake video...leather mini and all.

For many women, the color of their hair changes as frequently as their moods. I am a natural brunette and whenever I get the urge to test the 'blonds have more fun' theory, I always decide to keep my own...for these precise reasons.

And you know these people did not go to a mall to get their hair 'did'!!! For the rest of us mere mortals, we don't even stand a chance!!! My mother, a former faux blonde herself, insists we look best with our God given hair color. These poor people need a clue...they look TRASHY!!!

Trash on the phone, bag no. 2

OMG!!! I cannot believe how much some trash bags reveal! If you have read my previous blog "Trash on the phone" you'll begin to notice I have an extreme dislike for people who talk on their cell phones in public. And not just in public, but in crowded areas!

Ok, so I have already established that most of us cannot talk on the phone and drive simultaneously. Ultimately, someone smacks into another car/pedestrian/small child or animal. But at least these trashy people keep their conversations private, while perchance running over something.

I do not want to be forced to listen to you fight with your husband/wife/lover/child or whoever else you may blab to. The other day, I was sitting outside enjoying my Starbucks Americano and a good book when some woman walked up behind me, on her cell phone and sat down RIGHT next to me. CLEARLY I did not exist in this person's world, but she sure took up a lot of space in mine.

She proceeded to talk about her private affairs and left no detail unmentioned. Did I really need to know about her husband's failed attempts at parenting? Negative. Did she enhance my life when she dropped 5 F bombs in one sentence? Sure not. But there I was, subjected to her rantings and ravings about her personal life. I finally had to get up and leave after she kept repeating the words, "No, just look under the table! Damnit, I told you look under the table! FRANK!!!". I tried to imagine what the hell Frank was not able to locate...under a table?

And what about the trashy people who answer their phones in the middle of a movie and say the words, "Yeah, but I'm in a movie.". WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US???? And Lord help us if we tell the trash bag to be quiet. I have tried this and guess what, they turn on me! Don't tell me to be quiet, I'm not the one on the phone in the middle of a movie! QUIET, TRASH!!!

You never know who you'll cop a squat next to and if you insist on just blabbing away the details of your life, be warned. You may just accidentally find yourself in a trashy scenario.

Trash in the atmosphere

Excuse me....Ahem...Pardon me.....SO SORRY!!!

I would like to ask the general public, are these words extinct? Do they not apply to you? Are they that hard to remember? When did manners become obsolete? Ok, sometimes something accidentally oozes out, excuse yourself and beg forgiveness if in the company of ANYONE.

In my opinion, manners were created for a very good reason. Not only does it set humans apart from the animals (where anything goes), but it communicates a sense of respect for others. Without it, it's like saying "I don't care, my sh*t don't stink". Well YES IT DOES! You big ape!

I've never heard my dog say 'EXCUSE ME' after she burps in my face. I still find that trashy, but she is a DOG. It's excusable because she doesn't know any better. Men (and women) can be so brutally trashy that I feel compelled to take this opportunity to publicly say EXCUSE ME, BUT THAT'S DISGUSTING. Hocking loogies, belching, farting, adjusting themselves in plain site makes me want to publicly toss my cookies...in their direction!! Wouldn't that be delish?

If guys are so willing to let their natural urges fly freely, maybe women can ban together and insist this as their new look. At least they could point the finger at someone else, and get away with it.

Over the typical holiday weekends, there are inevitably family gatherings. So here's what it usually looks like: men + beer =

Unfortunately, it doesn't end with the belching. There are other gases that escape from their bodies. People can be so trashy! But we all knew this. When in the world did it become tolerated? These people must have been raised in a barn. When did we go from manners to trash?

Trash at the Walmart

Happy Labor Day! My hubby and I will be traveling to our lake home in WI and guess what that means....WALMART HERE WE COME! I cannot wait! The thrill of seeing what people will be wearing in the (rural) Walmart is more exciting than a Lady Gaga sighting!

So here are some TRASHY Walmart goers. I did not capture these shots, but I wish I had! I've been inspired to bring my camera this weekend. No one is safe! This is just the best trash...

When pants are just too much! TRASH!!!

Crack is whack! I'm so tired of seeing butt cracks whilst purchasing my produce. This is just plain trashy!!

This is freaky trash! I imagine this look was created with the aid of a whole lot of Franzia (you know, the trashy box o'wine).

Could you please put

your teeth in, Virginia!!!!

I couldn't tell if this was road kill or hair!! I just love this trash!

And the grand prize winner for the best trash at Walmart...

This trash bag, tucked her's into her pants and opted to go without her top! This is pure Walmart gold!!!!

If anyone wants to send me their trashy photos I'll be sure to protect the innocent and shame the trash!

*check out www.poorlydressedpeople.com