Trash on the phone

Remember the good old days when phones were not mobile? If you were out for the day, that meant you were unreachable. Does anyone recall the world ending if you were unavailable? For us mortals, if we weren't home...life still carried on. I remember thinking the invention of the cordless phone was HUGE! I was entirely too happy to be able to roam about my house while gabbing. I would have been perfectly happy to have the cordless phone invention be the latest and greatest. But no.

In movies like 'Pretty Woman', (circa early 90's) when the director tried to depict the obscene wealth in California he used a shot of a man and his son BOTH on the (original) cell phone. They were talking on what looked like giant bricks with an antenna. Cell phones were a status symbol. It sent the message, "I'm so important, my calls don't have to wait". I know I was swept away in sheer deluded bliss when I got my first 'cell'. Oh the delicious freedom it provided. Cell phones have now become my nemesis.

No longer do they convey the previous message of wealth and status, everyone has them now.

I saw a guy on his bike the other day talking on his phone WHILE riding his bike on a busy highway. I was tempted to stop and ask, "Is it really that important?". I envisioned him to be talking to his woman saying, "Yeah baby, I'm just riding my schwinn, what you doin'?". My favorite are the people at the gym who are talking on their phones and walking on the treadmill (at a 2.8 pace, mind you). What the hell are they trying to accomplish?

But the thing that pisses me off the absolute most is when I'm behind a pokey driver and, if and when I get to pass them, they are on their freaking phones!!!!!!

Nothing makes my blood boil more than these idiots just mindlessly gabbing away and holding up traffic. It would be quite a different story if they were able to talk and go the speed limit, but it's virtually impossible for any human being to drive and talk without some type of display that they are ignoring the rules of the road. They cut over lanes, don't use their turn indicators or (the best) STOP at green lights!!!!!

I actually ignore most of my cell phone calls. My husband is always complaining because I rarely answer my phone while in the car. He has gone so far as to threaten to call his mother in case of an emergency over me, because she at least answers her calls.

I find driving and talking on the phone to be very trashy. I'd like to go back to the good old days of talking to people when I'm home and unoccupied. If that meant sacrificing the convenience of finding out what to get while at the grocery store, then so be it. There was a time, not too long ago, when people were unavailable and it was OK!

In the meantime, I'll just continue to do some deep breathing and lots of screaming while driving behind these mindless chatter boxes.

Trash at dinner

One Friday evening, I was dining at a local Pub with my husband. We both had stressful days and were trying to erase of our mind numbing headaches by means of a few beers. As we lifted our glasses to salute the end to the week, we were abruptly disturbed by the sound of cackling hens sitting behind us.

I abhor the sound of loud women. I liken it to the sound of farm hens! Evidently, the party of four (all women) behind us decided to inform every other table within a 5 mile radius, of their trouble at work, problems with their husbands and the challenge of not having enough wine for their upcoming bunko party. I had the unfortunate position of sitting directly behind said trash.

My husband and I just stared at each other in disbelief. It never fails, we have the bad luck of always being seated by LOUD talkers. I never mind when people are moved by a spirit to belt out a laugh. Sure I may jump by the burst of laughter, but I quickly get over it. Usually, I find myself laugh a little afterwards. But when people just go ON AND ON AND ON on auditory levels suitable for a stand-up comedian, I object. And some women are cursed with laughter that sounds exactly like hens clucking!!!

Of course I say to my husband, "I hope I don't sound like those gals". Needless to say, I will forever be cognizant of my chortles.

Trash at the game!

I picked up some more trash over the weekend. I went to a Cubs game, like all good Chicagoans do in the summer, and I cannot tell you how many trashy people I was forced to tolerate. Here was the highlight...

I had to sit in the bleachers, on account of being cheap, and I was surrounded by the frat pack. These Cincinnati Reds fans dropped the F bomb more times than I could count. I lost track after 35, and that was just in one sentence. Now you might be excusing their crude jive on account of having one too many $10 Coors Light...nope, this trashy frat pack announced they were saving themselves for later that night. How unlucky some poor ladies would be later that night when these idiots would surely try to score.

Behind me I have these baboons and in front is the most adorable 5 year old

with his grandfather and father. I will call him Patrick. He had pop bottle glasses and was being happily entertained by Scooby Doo (old school!!) on an iPad. His dad put head phones on little Patrick so he could hear Scooby and not the R rated chatter two rows behind.

If it were not for Scoob distracting him, this kiddo would have been likely to stand up and demonstrate a different kind of bird!

I was squirming in my seat debating whether or not to turn around and point out there was a kiddo within ear shot. I played out the potential scenario, in my head, and figured I would be laughed at and completely ignored.

I hate when you want to do the right thing and you don't because the offender(s) will most likely tell you to mind your own business and shut up rather than just saying 'Sorry'. I'm no saint, trust me, but these people were just plain trashy. Maybe if these gals had been sitting in front of them they would have shut their foul mouths....

Well, probably not. F*ck that!

Trash at the gym!

It's all fun and games until you get in the locker room!!!! I recently joined a gym and I have been amazed at how disgusting some women can be. They throw their panties to the wind and walk around as if to say to anyone "Yeah...so?". I mean...SERIOUSLY????

One of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City involves the fab foursome going to a woman's spa. Charlotte is the only one who cannot drop her towel in the sauna. Carrie tries to assess the situation and she finds out that Char is simply not used to being around naked people as indicated by her saying, "I did not grow up in a naked house!".

Without fail, every time I'm in the locker room I want to ask some fellow females "Is it because you grew up in a naked house? Is that why you walk around with your ta-ta's and your cooch hanging out?". But alas, I just avert my gaze and get the hell out of there as fast as my feet will take me.

Please do not misread me, I'm not a prude. But to walk around naked without regard to anyone else's sensibilities is just plain TRASHY!!! THIS AIN'T YOUR HOUSE!!! AND WE DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT!!!

So I'm challenging my fellow gym goers...do your business, change your sports bra and shorts and cover thyself. Just because you're in a locker room does not mean you are truly free to be you! This ain't your naked house!

Thoughts?

Trash at the mall

Let me ask you something...do you think this Victoria Secret's ad is scandalous? Unless you're a complete prude you'll most likely answer "NO". Now let me ask you another question, do you think this is a titillating image? Crawl out from under your rock and say it with me, "SURE NOT, NOPE".

The trashiest thing I've seen at a suburban mall...two YOUNG adolescent boys standing in front of a Victoria Secret's store pleasuring themselves to this image! I couldn't believe it either.

What did I do, you may be asking yourself? The same as any other law abiding citizen...screamed out in shock and horror!! Well, inside I did.

I reported these two, soon-to-be, criminals to the mall cop. I'll never know what happened to the two trashy young boys. I tried to envision the scolding their parents would surely dole out. I hoped they would go to bed without dinner as a punishment. Perhaps a night on an empty stomach would make them think twice before digging in their shorts for another good time. Sadly, in a world as trashy as ours, maybe it's just another day in their household.

All I wanted was a new pair of trashy V.S. yoga pants (you know the ones with glitter PINK on the ass) and what I got was a whole lot more.

So my local readers, I will be dedicating this blog to writing about people and their trash. Let it be aired, let it be aired.